November 4, 2009

The UP Sucks

I guess I should blog about the upcoming series...but I don't have a lot to say about it.

The Sioux are playing Tech this weekend, in Houghton. I hate this town. In fact, I hate the region of the country that this stupid city is located in. Here's some reasons why.

Have you ever heard of the "Yooper Loop"? This is some sort of confusing roundabout that doesn't operate like a regular roundabout. Instead, it basically sucks you in and spits you out in random ways that you can't even comprehend. Every Tech fan will tell you it's really easy to figure out, but I still say it's a retarded piece of engineering.

The Michigan State Patrol has cars that still have the single light on top of them. I'm not talking cool either, like in Miami Vice. We're talking Unsolved Mystery era here. You drive by them and you're feeling like you're in some 70's Unsolved Mystery episode. And then you really do wish some unnamed killer would come up to your car and shoot you, just so you're put out of your misery.

The UP has some real creative names for roads and rivers. Two mile road, Three mile road, East Branch Firesteel River. Don't even get me started on the town names. Here are some examples: Bovine, Assanins, Baraga, and Gay. Plus there's just some things that are straight bizarre, like a hotel that advertises hot water and heat, another hotel that requires you to go to the lobby to use the phone because there aren't any in the rooms, and one random place where some dude named Bingo owns everything in town.

You ever eat a "Pasty"? I hadn't either until I visited the UP. As Dirty so infamously put it that day, these are nothing more than "glorified hot pockets". Seriously, it's a nasty crust, some potatoes, pepper, and I think eggs and meat. They should taste good, in theory, but no. They don't. They are disgusting.

I can think of one good thing about Houghton. They actually have a legit hockey arena. It's like a barn. You ever watch a game in Marquette? It's like watching a hockey game in a warehouse. I'm really amazed Brent doesn't go there more often to play forklift jockey. But Houghton actually reminds me of some of the arenas I played in as a kid.

End rant.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow...tell us how you really feel.

Brandon said...

I did. I hate the UP.

tom said...

i'm sure dirty would be proud of this post

Brandon said...

that's the goal

Goon said...

I actually think the UP in Michigan is really awesome, my kind of place. I hate driving on Hwy 2 though.

Anonymous said...

For a second I thought the headline was about the parking at the UP center in Fargo.

roper1313 said...

Ha, Ha, so did I. I love snowmobiling, but hate driving in the UP.

Anonymous said...

Then you have never lived there. Although a bit backward, the UP is a one of the most beautiful places in the US. Although some of the people likely belong on Springer so do most of the people in the big cities. I now live in Alaska and would trade this place for the UP any day...

Brandon said...

the UP has a bunch of trees. Explain to me how that is beautiful? I can think of many places that are more beautiful than the UP. The only thing beautiful about the UP is that it is not Wisconsin

Fire Helmet Guy #26 said...

How can you not like Houghton? The only bad part about the weekend is the drive home.....because one is normally hungover as hell! The Ambassador, The Downtowner!!!! GOOD TIMES. I think the drive to the UP would be pretty nice in the fall colors.

Brandon said...

Please don't make me post the recap from the Invasion. Then you will understand why I hate the UP even more.

puck swami said...

Sure, it's out of the way, but but the UP is vital to the history of hockey...Check this out...

http://www.cchockeyhistory.org/

Brent said...

Remember that "food" in the Matrix that the unplugged ones ate? That's the futuristic equivalent of a pasty. It doesn't taste like anything, it's just a bunch of nutrients and protein.

And if you could just teleport to the DT and back, then maybe the UP would be okay. But nope, you have to drive 6 hours one way, which is a hellride. Blah.

Anonymous said...

either stop identifying yourself as a sioux fan or start writing like an intelligent adult. this dribble is not even worthy of a junior high newspaper and it's offensive to intelligent sioux fans. "stupid city" and "retarded"? you can do better than that...

Anonymous said...

I am from the lower penninsula of michigan and whenever i travel home from Grand Forks, i travel through the UP. I do this because of the scenery and the the lack of traffic. The UP is one of the last natural places left in the country, and if you can not appreciate it and you hate it so much, why don't you just not go there? I am sure the nice northern Michigan people will not miss you. I just want to say that i think your blog is probably the worst blog i have ever read on the internet. You don't have to respond, i probably won't read it anyway.

Anonymous said...

"this dribble is not even worthy of a junior high newspaper and it's offensive to intelligent sioux fans"
Amen. I read this blog on occasion and more often than not I am embarrassed that this, for lack of a better word, literature is associated with a UND education. Please Sioux Yeah Yeah!, write about the world-class hockey team of my alma mater and refrain from words characteristic of a teenager's facebook status.